I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
