hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
vagina is talking i cant
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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