party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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