Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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