why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
