I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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