you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my liver is dry heaving
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
