the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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