Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
