Bisexual people are plain selfish.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
