My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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