All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
