I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize