i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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