we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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