That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize