1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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