Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
