Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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