She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
