WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize