I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
