I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
