One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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