if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
