i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
