We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
