It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
