i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
