i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
love makes seman taste better
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
