i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
