I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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