i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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