just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
