Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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