And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
