I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
