Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
