69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
