awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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