Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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