90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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