just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
