He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
