Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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