So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
