So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
