It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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