evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
