i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
