She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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