i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
