You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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