I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize