fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
