Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All I want is dick and wine.
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