my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
