sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
