Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
