lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize