So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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