id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
