I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
