You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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