I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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