the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
