The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
