All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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