hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
