It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
