I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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