So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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