This is not my ceiling
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
wow bdsm is so cute
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
